Top :: TJ Maxx // Tank :: F21 // Leggings :: c/o BLANQI // Necklace :: The Giving Keys // Bracelet :: c/o Sassy Lemonade // Shoes :: Target (Old)
Don’t let these pics fool ya. This week has been the polar opposite of glamorous in every way. It’s still beyond me how some women actually enjoy being pregnant, especially in the third trimester. To be frank, the third trimester is pretty gross. If you know me and ever want to look me in the eye again, I suggest you stop reading. I’m warning you, what I’m going to share is TMI. And the reason I’m sharing is because I know there are some women out there that want to know the real deal about pregnancy, not the fluff, but the nitty gritty. So if you’re still reading, you either don’t know me in person or you’re morbidly curious–either way, you’ve been warned.
Maybe because my torso is really short and I just don’t have a lot of room in there and little Pippa is shoved up against all my internal organs…yeah, maybe that’s the reason I’m suffering uncontrollable gas. Normally, if you need to pass wind, you’re at least aware right? You’re body sends you signals and you either excuse yourself or you clench really tightly. Not so when you’re in your third trimester. And it happens at the most inopportune times. Farts have literally just come out without warning in the middle of conversations with friends, neighbors and my husband. It’s so terribly embarrassing because it catches me off guard! One time it was so bad, even my husband looked at me in disbelief and just said, “OMG are you embarrassed?” Yes, dear husband, I’m mortified.
The other issue I’m suffering with is hemorrhoids. I didn’t get them until after I gave birth to Parker, and I didn’t have them for long. But this pregnancy I’ve had them the entire time. And now they are painfully uncomfortable. It literally got so bad that I looked up some alternative ways to help ease the discomfort. And you guys, this is totally gross but I’m going to share it with you anyway. One of the remedies I found online that seemed to have a lot of success was using garlic. Yep, the suggestion was to stick a garlic clove up your butt overnight. I couldn’t quite convince myself to jam an entire clove up there, so I sliced up a few pieces, coated them in olive oil and did my business. It burned initially, but I have to admit, there was a significant difference by morning. So if a random Google search for “hemorrhoid cures” brought you to my blog, there ya go. You can thank me later. On a separate note, I have no clue why I’m actually admitting this to the world wide web. I clearly have no shame–I wrote about peeing all over myself earlier, so hey, why not.
Also, at all times of the day I feel like I could breathe fire. My heartburn is out of control, and acid reflux burps are not exactly feminine. My dear sweet husband has been so kind and affirming and telling me I’m beautiful; but my fire burping, garlic farting self isn’t convinced. Add to that my super sexy compression stockings I have to wear because my legs look like purple aliens are bulging out of them, i.e., varicose veins. Yeah. I’m just a hot mess over here.
So yeah, with 6 weeks left of this, knowing that I’m just going to swell up in the summer heat and that control over my bodily functions will just get worse, you may just want to keep your distance.