T-shirt & Clutch :: c/o JoyBound Apparel // Skirt :: CABI // Shoes :: TOMS
I have a confession. It’s been awhile since I’ve referenced my faith. And it’s pretty much because since Parker (my oldest) was born, my spiritual life has been pretty non existent. I feel like I’ve been going through the motions for the last 2 years but not engaging. I had a sort of epiphany in church last week when our pastor was telling a story from the book of Phillipians and I looked over at my husband and said, “why don’t I remember this portion of the story?” I realized that in the past 2 years I’ve spent very minimal time in the word.
I was convicted. Especially since Pippa was born. Managing a newborn and a 2 year old has been challenging to say the least. This last week with Parker having croup I thought I was going to lose my mind. Being cooped up in the house for a week because your wild toddler is contagious was no fun for any of us.
So I started doing the unthinkable–waking up extra early before the kids wake up to spend time in the word. And the strangest thing happened. Not to sound cliche, but I had more patience, more grace, better perspective and just felt like I wasn’t carrying the world on my shoulders any more–and the craziest part of all, I actually felt like I had more energy to get through the day. Don’t get me wrong, my toddler didn’t turn into an angel overnight and my newborn didn’t stop crying; I just had a better attitude about everything and called on the Lord more throughout the day. I didn’t transform overnight. I still yelled and got frustrated, but I didn’t feel like I was drowning anymore.
I’ve made excuses for 2 years and my joy (along with patience, peace, gentleness, love, and self control) has slowly been depleting. Parenting when you’re suffering a severe deficit of the fruits of the spirit just leads to lots of anger and self pity.
I’m reading a devotional by Beth Moore and her words really resonated with me. She said, “We sometimes act as if rebellion means, drugs, a season of infidelity, or a complete apostasy. The biblical definition is simply refusing God’s Counsel…..Rebellion is drawing back from God’s Word. We can attend church Sunday after Sunday and still rebel against God. If we continue to seek answers elsewhere and do not take God’s Word seriously, we are in a state of rebellion.”
Talk about serious conviction.
By no means is everything now idealistic–I still very much look forward to when my kids go to bed. A two year old and a newborn will never be a picnic, no matter how faithful you are. But being back in God’s word I can feel his presence again–I’m joy bound again.
**And how fitting, the t-shirt I’m wearing is part of the fall collection from JoyBound Apparel. An amazing company that I’m honored to partner with. Pre-sale for their items start Wednesday (tomorrow)! Use promo code: preordership to get free shipping until 9/21/2014.**